You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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