Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
