Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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