yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
