I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
