You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
