we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
