we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
