no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize