i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
