her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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