i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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