Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
