i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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