The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
