That's when you crack a 10am beer
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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