Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
