She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
