I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
