Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
