all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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