if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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