you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
