it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
