Your face is a jimmy john
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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