i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
