So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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