So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
