whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize