In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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