Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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