are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
