i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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