On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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