we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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