I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Of course I have a pirate flag
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
