I could make wine with my vomit
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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