apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
