Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
