you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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