ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
