Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
