The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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