And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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