girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
