Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
