i think my mom watched the whole time
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize