you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
