Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize