She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
