I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
