One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
