just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
