Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
