If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
