The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
