how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is my gift to your gina
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
