Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
