ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
