Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
