Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
