i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
