My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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