Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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