I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
