My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
