I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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