I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
