ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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