I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
